Sunday, April 10, 2011

Yakuza Siesta

Japanese PM Naoto Kan announced a new law designed to make the best of rolling blackouts, expected to last through the sweltering Tokyo Summer.

Kan, who'se public approval rating has risen from 15% to nearly 30% after the earthquake tsunami and nuclear meltdowns, was upbeat at a press conference at an Osaka tatoo parlor this morning, in making his announcement.

"We made a good result from a bad situation," said Kan, "Tokyo will cure its heat island problem this year."

In Italy the cities in the north close noon to three pm for lunch, relaxation, etc. In Sicily and the deep south, businesses close from noon to five, due to extremely hot weather and a culture that can't afford waste.

Kan announced that Tokyo will institute "Siestas" or rest time, during the hottest part of Tokyo summer day, because no one will be able to work in the midday summer heat without air conditioning.

Since Tokyo's labor force has an average commute of 90 minutes to and from work each day, however, unlike Italy, Japanese are unable to return to their homes to rest.

Kan, the former community organizer, announced that negotiations between his staff and Yakuza leaders, brought favorable results.

With his shirt off to permit the tattoo artist to paint a long-neck red dragon tattoo into his shoulder, Kan stated, "Yakuza leadership has offered to provide lodging in vacant love hotels from 12-3 five days per week, to all registered employees of central Tokyo corporations. In exchange, all ongoing prosecution will be dropped."

"This will save energy necessary to run air conditioners, fill unused love hotel rooms during period of least demand. We hope this, combined with unprotected sex, will increase birthrates next Spring as well."

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